There are many different kinds of insecurities. There’s insecurity about your looks, your performance, your physical well-being, etc. While the underlying feeling of shittiness is similar, this post is mostly concerned with the insecurity of starting something new.
I think of insecurity as your body’s way of saying “Hey, is there something wrong?” The anxious feeling swells and gets you contemplating, “If there’s something wrong, do I want to be doing it?” You feel unsure, unsafe and unconfident. No one really wants to feel that. So we don’t go through with our plans even if they are feasible.
For me, starting this venture has definitely hit upon the biggest of my insecurities. At the root I think the reasons are the same for most people.
- Insecurity Question: Am I good enough?
Answer: Cliché as it sounds; for the most part you don’t know unless you try.
I am sure everyone can relate to this one. Are you good enough for a spouse? Are you a good enough mother? A good enough friend?
In terms of starting How Humans Connect (HHC), I thought about how I tried to start a site before and that didn’t work out. I was really passionate about the idea to start off and eventually trailed off. Why would this be different? Even if HHC is a good idea, couldn’t someone else do a better job with it? I am also horrible at keeping up with social media. What would be the point of doing HHC if no one cared about it? Ironically, wanting people to read this site relates to my second biggest insecurity.
- Insecurity Question: What will people think of me?
Answer: This can range from people thinking you’re completely awesome to thinking you’re a completely awful human being. Unfortunately, just as the first question, you don’t know unless you try.
When you are vulnerable, you open yourself to being judged for who you are and/or what you believe in. You open yourself to rejection of the most integral parts of yourself. When you tell a crush you like them more than a friend and they say they’re not interested it hurts. You can’t pretend like it never happened (side note: I recommend confessing a crush on April Fool’s day for a fool proof plan). They didn’t like you. That hurts. No matter how you swing it.
This venture by nature is very personal for me. I’ve deleted and re-added the blog multiple times. With this, I have to think: what if my boss read this? What if my parents read it? What will certain friends that I keep certain things from think if they read it? I ran into the issue of how can I still be honest while still keeping my life personal? (Still working on that honestly…) What if people think I’m a horrible and boring writer? The ideas never sound as eloquent paper as in my head. What if they think the shirts are stupid and no one buys any?
I honestly still have reservations about all these things. I doubt myself all the time. However, here I am. Trying.
That insecure voice will always be there. The doubts will always be there. You just have to ignore it all enough to try and get what you want. Your work will never be perfect (especially in the beginning). But at least it’s yours.
So I guess that would be my advice to anyone, me included. There’s no way to overcome your insecurity unless you try. So apply for that new job. Start up that side venture instead of leaving it to collect dust in the back of your mind.
And if you need some motivation, find a role model (a friend, a mentor, etc.) whose story you can relate to. Everyone has their insecurities. Listen to their story so you can remember we all have to start from somewhere.
Ask me/Tell me Conversations:
Ask someone you admire about their insecurities.
Have a conversation about what your insecurities have been holding you back from and how you plan to change that.
Comment below with your experiences/stories and share your conversations